UGH!!!

That’s how I feel right now, UGH!!! I swore to myself that when I started this blog I would share it all with you. Every exciting triumph and every heartbreaking failure. I’ve been on WW reimagined freestyle since January 9, 2018. That first year was fantastic. If memory serves me correctly, I lost close to 55 lbs (give or take a few). I overcame a lot of obstacles within myself. My willpower was strengthening literally every day. Then the holidays hit.

I told myself that I could handle taking a smidge of a break and indulging in the holiday treats and I would be fine. Just jump right back on track after Christmas was over. Yet here I am, it’s May and I am still finding myself struggling. Want to know the worst part about the struggle? I lied to myself.

I KNOW that I am a food addict and I KNOW that as an addict, allowing myself to indulge the way I did for the holidays was a recipe for disaster. Yet, I did it anyway. It’s like the bad boy you crushed on in high school but was a real jerk. You could quit him for a little while, but found yourself easily swayed back. Or, to put it in a better perspective, kinda like a drug addict allowing themselves a month long binge and believing they could bounce back afterward.

Now, I find myself struggling worse than when I started and it’s truly frustrating. After the high of a loss last week, this morning I weighed in and gained 2 pounds. UGH!! It’s my own fault. I haven’t been drinking my water, exercising, eating my fruit, and I splurged on a chocolate donut at work. I would love to play dumb and claim the program doesn’t work, but my brain doesn’t work that way. I know it’s my fault. I own my mistakes.

Food is such a comfort for me…it’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there. Every slight emotion can send me in a downward spiral of food. I caught myself last night giving my son a speech about how food is nourishment and that’s all it should be used for. Nothing more, nothing less. The fact it tastes good is a bonus. I actually got a little choked up. I SO wish someone had taught me this when I was young. Maybe then I wouldn’t have such a struggle now.

Even with all of my food demons, I am still determined to win this war. I am still determined to keep fighting for a healthy life. My journey isn’t over, not even close. I understand that this is just me veering off the road a little. I will get back on. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity. I take this journey one day at a time. I don’t set goals, I don’t imagine myself at a smaller size. I stay focused on today and what today brings. I will fight every day because I am worth it. I deserve it. So do my husband and my son.

If you are struggling, remember that. Write it down and put it in a place you can see it every day.

YOU. ARE. WORTH IT.  Stay strong and keep fighting.

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