I have to be honest, I was beginning to lose my motivation. To be honest, I felt my mind begin to slide back into old habits. Not just with food, but even my old way of thinking. Thinking that it was just too difficult for me. Thinking that this is who/how I was meant to be. Then, for the first time on my journey, I felt it.
You see, from the moment I began this journey, I suddenly felt good, proud. I stood tall and every little accomplishment I celebrated. I began to feel my body change. Noticing the small things, like my tummy actually feeling smaller. Looking at myself in the mirror and slowly seeing my double chin disappear. Driving home from work and catch my wrist while driving and thinking how small it was looking. All these little things.. and it motivated me. Pushed me.
When I decided, stupidly, to give myself a break during the holidays, I was convinced that little splurges here and there wouldn’t hurt. I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Since then, I’ve struggled to get that feeling back. That motivation and willpower. It was fading, fast.
Then last night, while sitting on the back porch with my husband, I laid my hand over my stomach and it was like someone punched me the chest. I FELT fat. I felt gross. I could feel the tears sting. I couldn’t believe I had fallen. But I’m glad I did.
I woke up Monday morning with a new sense of purpose. I’ve read tons of stories about others reaching their goal. I WILL reach goal. There will be no more hiatus for me, only planned splurges. My main objective is to be healthy, plain and simple. I need to get my weight off my lower joints or I’m afraid I won’t be able to walk. I promised myself I would not end up like my mother. I will not sacrifice my health for things that don’t matter. There is nothing in the world more important to me that my husband & my son. To not take care of myself, is like not loving them enough to do what’s necessary so I can stick around longer. That’s unacceptable to me. They are my world. Period.
Monday was good. The hubs is away on business, so it’s just me and the kiddo. I managed to get in 50 oz of water! For a Monday, I’d say that is pretty darn awesome! Tuesday didn’t go so well. I talked myself into eating out. I was so exhausted and just didn’t feel like messing with anything, even though I have plenty of frozen meals. To I talked myself in to stopping at a local fast food joint for dinner. I have to tell you, I almost instantly regretted it. Not because I felt bad about splurging, but because it tasted awful. After dinner, I felt awful. I was bloated and my mouth tasted like I drank a glass of grease. It made me realize that I would’ve rather came home and actually had a salad. To think I use to eat like that all the time is shocking. I’ve decided to take the positive route on this experience, because it just renewed my commitment to myself. Splurges should be enjoyed.
Wednesday went so much better, even though my level of exhaustion reached a new peek. I call it, “Sleeping while walking”. Honestly, could barely keep my eyes open! Thanks to the puppy waking me up multiple times! As tempting as it was to make a bad decision again, I stuck to my guns. Besides, the thought of feeling gross again from fast food did NOT appeal to me. SO I went home and reheated some Baked Ziti and had a small side salad. It was marvelous!
If you guessed Thursday started out with me being exhausted…welp, you would guess right The good news is, the hubby came home from his business trip that evening, meaning…no more puppy duty!!! You know I cracked a smile! 😉
The great thing is; it’s Friday! I didn’t lose any weight, but I didn’t gain either! Considering the week I’ve had, I will take that as a win! Lots of plans this weekend. Going to try and finally make a recipe I converted to WW friendly. Work on converting more recipes. Lastly…and cross your fingers for me, hoping to finally get my DVD player hooked up in my bedroom so I can start exercising when we get back from vacation!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Remember, every day is a new beginning, a new start! It’s a chance to renew your commitment to yourself and live healthy!
Stay picky ya’ll!
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